I have played video games nearly all my life, I really love the music from many Sega and Nintendo titles specifically. I find video game music interesting for the fact that it has some of the greatest music ever made (in my opinion) as well as some of the worst music ever made (again in my opinion). It's such a broad genre, that every possible genre of music is represented inside the video game music bubble, yet it still has something distinctive about it.
While reveling in nostalgia the thought hit me, once again, that I should write my own music. I still have ways to go with music theory but I'm improving and will hopefully start making real songs in the coming years. I really like the works of Koji Kondo, Nobuo Uematsu and Motoi Sakuraba for example.
Some great video game songs I could find on YouTube:
Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Attack
Shining Force 2 - Into the Darkness
Final Fantasy 9 - Hunter's Chance
Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening - Tal Tal Heights
Megaman 9 - Flash in the Dark
Star Ocean: The Second Story - We Form In Crystals
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The Glass Prison
Sometimes I drown the world outside my room, even too often. I live in my own prison, looking at the world through the glass walls. I know I'm strong but I have to accept that I'm also very weak or just too different from others. I think I'm someone, I'm a person just like you, but my ideals and thoughts can be very different from yours.
Part of lyrics from "Dream Theater - The Glass Prison":
"Help me - I can't break out this prison all alone
Save me - I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own
Heal me - I can't restore my sanity alone
Enter the door
Desperate
Fighting no more
Help me restore
To my sanity
At this temple of hope"
Should I break the glass?
Part of lyrics from "Dream Theater - The Glass Prison":
"Help me - I can't break out this prison all alone
Save me - I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own
Heal me - I can't restore my sanity alone
Enter the door
Desperate
Fighting no more
Help me restore
To my sanity
At this temple of hope"
Should I break the glass?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Surreal Surroundings pt.5
(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)
What is this feeling? I'm locked in some kind of a cage, descenting at high speed inside this white ether that surrounds me. The shadows twist and break as they meet the metal bars. I feel like a pet bird cast down from heavens.
(plunging in to the maw of madness)
I'm observed, an enormous hazel eye is looking at me from outside the cage, like an emperor on the highest mountain focusing a glare on my being. It's bloodying the clouds with its cry. I try to divert my gaze from it but it feels impossible to do so. It's spreading the crimson splendor all around it, while I feel colorless inside my cage. I close my eyes in attempt to hide from this vision, but it forces its way through to me. In my darkest moments my mind is a prison - it won't let go.
(the eye explodes)
Vivid colors flicker around me, I'm not sure if I have my eyes open or not. My own image is being sucked into a vortex, then thrown into the space again. My movements feel heavy yet light and my body is numb. Several floods of thoughts fill my brain, as if my soul was trying to burst out of this worn carapace. Like the only star embracing the night sky had died out and made this impact on the world.
Am I dreaming or am I awake? Am I alive or have I died long time ago? Observer of the surreal skies. Manifestatation of the nonexistence. Alpha and Omega.
(thought of omnipotence now fading)
I come back to my senses, seems like I'm lying next to the azure ladder rising from the duct. The black fumes must have made me hallucinate all of that. How I made it up here is a mystery though. Divine service of some sort? Whatever it was I'm thankful. I notice there is quite unique vegetation in this place I have reached. All kinds of colors, most of them seem to have weird bulges on them, they remind me of eyes.
Those cursed eyes.
What is this feeling? I'm locked in some kind of a cage, descenting at high speed inside this white ether that surrounds me. The shadows twist and break as they meet the metal bars. I feel like a pet bird cast down from heavens.
(plunging in to the maw of madness)
I'm observed, an enormous hazel eye is looking at me from outside the cage, like an emperor on the highest mountain focusing a glare on my being. It's bloodying the clouds with its cry. I try to divert my gaze from it but it feels impossible to do so. It's spreading the crimson splendor all around it, while I feel colorless inside my cage. I close my eyes in attempt to hide from this vision, but it forces its way through to me. In my darkest moments my mind is a prison - it won't let go.
(the eye explodes)
Vivid colors flicker around me, I'm not sure if I have my eyes open or not. My own image is being sucked into a vortex, then thrown into the space again. My movements feel heavy yet light and my body is numb. Several floods of thoughts fill my brain, as if my soul was trying to burst out of this worn carapace. Like the only star embracing the night sky had died out and made this impact on the world.
Am I dreaming or am I awake? Am I alive or have I died long time ago? Observer of the surreal skies. Manifestatation of the nonexistence. Alpha and Omega.
(thought of omnipotence now fading)
I come back to my senses, seems like I'm lying next to the azure ladder rising from the duct. The black fumes must have made me hallucinate all of that. How I made it up here is a mystery though. Divine service of some sort? Whatever it was I'm thankful. I notice there is quite unique vegetation in this place I have reached. All kinds of colors, most of them seem to have weird bulges on them, they remind me of eyes.
Those cursed eyes.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Luck Versus Probability
There are two forms of luck, good luck and bad luck. I'm highly pessimistic myself, so any good luck coming my way is basically a pleasant surprise. I'm always trying to prepare for bad luck, acknowledging worst case scenarios is important for me even if they aren't likely to happen. All luck is - is probability.
Probability is just the sum of logical rules and possibilities. When calculating a probability you must take everything into consideration - a coin can land sideways as well. There are often good explanations why luck happens the way it does, it's a big maze of actions forming more actions.
Simple good luck scenario: someone might buy something for a normal price, find out that he/she doesn't like it after a while, put it on sale with cheap price and you happen to find the offer somewhere. The good luck here being; he/she is selling something you want, for a cheaper price than normal, and you manage to find the offer.
Simple bad luck scenario: someone is ill and has an infectious disease, you interact a lot with the person and you too get contaminated. You could have prevented the chance of getting ill if you had known to avoid the ill person, but the bad luck played a big role here; you didn't know there was someone that is ill and the ill person was stupid for going out while being ill in the first place.
The odds build up on both ends, you just have to be aware of your surroundings and you can affect your luck's course.
Maybe luck is just a myth.
Probability is just the sum of logical rules and possibilities. When calculating a probability you must take everything into consideration - a coin can land sideways as well. There are often good explanations why luck happens the way it does, it's a big maze of actions forming more actions.
Simple good luck scenario: someone might buy something for a normal price, find out that he/she doesn't like it after a while, put it on sale with cheap price and you happen to find the offer somewhere. The good luck here being; he/she is selling something you want, for a cheaper price than normal, and you manage to find the offer.
Simple bad luck scenario: someone is ill and has an infectious disease, you interact a lot with the person and you too get contaminated. You could have prevented the chance of getting ill if you had known to avoid the ill person, but the bad luck played a big role here; you didn't know there was someone that is ill and the ill person was stupid for going out while being ill in the first place.
The odds build up on both ends, you just have to be aware of your surroundings and you can affect your luck's course.
Maybe luck is just a myth.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Atheist
I don't need to explain what the word means. I'm an atheist or more likely an apatheist. I couldn't care less if this magical force "God" exists or not. Some may call the Universe the God, but the God isn't a synonym for anything, it would just be their depiction of the issue. Monotheistic religions are all the same too, bowing down to one God, which leads us to a problem - why do some monotheistic religions stand out so much? Supposedly the God in all monotheistic religions should be the same, so why does christianity (for example) stand out so much? It's all just a big scam that people want to buy, they might feel safe and good about their faith but in the end they are believing in something comparable to Santa Claus or Easter Bunny.
Some support religions for the morale code they bring, morale code that exists without these religions. Killing isn't considered bad because religion said so, same goes for all other "sins" - good and bad exist without fairy tales.
Not all religious people are unpleasant though, mostly just the fundamentalists. It's still wrong that many people don't have any choice and are brought up with religion in mind - forced baptisms. How many people would join a religion if it wasn't done for them? Whole lot less. If they never wanted to be in one in the first place they have to resign from it in their adulthood.
I still belong to church, I even went ahead and took a confirmation, I have a godson too, but through all that time I was a sheeple, unable to think for myself. I will resign from church this year, it's a high time for that. I don't believe in afterlife and I would hate the idea of heaven being real. It's a shame really if you use your only life worshipping "the God" that doesn't exist and only brings imaginary shelter. Why would you blindly believe in afterlife? What if it isn't there whe you die? That's why an atheist lives his only life to the fullest, steering away from religion.
I chose my path, it's time to take some steps on it.
Some support religions for the morale code they bring, morale code that exists without these religions. Killing isn't considered bad because religion said so, same goes for all other "sins" - good and bad exist without fairy tales.
Not all religious people are unpleasant though, mostly just the fundamentalists. It's still wrong that many people don't have any choice and are brought up with religion in mind - forced baptisms. How many people would join a religion if it wasn't done for them? Whole lot less. If they never wanted to be in one in the first place they have to resign from it in their adulthood.
I still belong to church, I even went ahead and took a confirmation, I have a godson too, but through all that time I was a sheeple, unable to think for myself. I will resign from church this year, it's a high time for that. I don't believe in afterlife and I would hate the idea of heaven being real. It's a shame really if you use your only life worshipping "the God" that doesn't exist and only brings imaginary shelter. Why would you blindly believe in afterlife? What if it isn't there whe you die? That's why an atheist lives his only life to the fullest, steering away from religion.
I chose my path, it's time to take some steps on it.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
[Poem] - What Do I See?
Dive inside my head.
Mental images dread.
Man with a beard and two dragon heads.
Soiled sun inside the ocean bend.
Pigs with gasmasks and colorful beads.
Rainbow enigmas that see no end.
Walls dwelling in smoke and a camera eye.
Bottles with wings flying afar.
Black and white landscape where babies die.
Exquisite mind bears a scar.
Darkest of trees just outside the door.
Liquid red from the ceiling pours.
Venomous moths circling in the moor.
Severed foot hops on the floors.
Ghouls that laugh at death and weep at life.
Abandoned mansions and incise.
Shady man carrying a crooked butter knife.
Everyone wears a skin disguise.
One for the blisters in your hand.
Two for the sisters found under sand.
Three for the twisters forming pentagram.
Infinity for what I see.
Mental images dread.
Man with a beard and two dragon heads.
Soiled sun inside the ocean bend.
Pigs with gasmasks and colorful beads.
Rainbow enigmas that see no end.
Walls dwelling in smoke and a camera eye.
Bottles with wings flying afar.
Black and white landscape where babies die.
Exquisite mind bears a scar.
Darkest of trees just outside the door.
Liquid red from the ceiling pours.
Venomous moths circling in the moor.
Severed foot hops on the floors.
Ghouls that laugh at death and weep at life.
Abandoned mansions and incise.
Shady man carrying a crooked butter knife.
Everyone wears a skin disguise.
One for the blisters in your hand.
Two for the sisters found under sand.
Three for the twisters forming pentagram.
Infinity for what I see.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Surreal Surroundings pt.4
(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)
I have come a long way, squeezing each of the ladder rungs tightly on my way up. The climb is getting progressively worse, some kind of breeze is swaying the azure ladder aggressively, at times all I can do is hang on and look at the surrounding void. Will I make it to the top? The breeze calms down once again, I have to continue this never-ending climb.
(upward struggle)
I have reached a point where I can see the dome's ceiling, the black flow curves along the walls to meet the center. I hold on to the ladder tightly and look directly above me, it seems like a huge duct with sharp teeth surrounding its entrance. Like a mouth of larva or some kind of monster sucking the stream in.
(climbing even closer)
I'm very close to the entrance now, my head can almost dive past the teeth. The black ooze's pungent acidy aroma quickly fills my nasal passages, despite that I try to glance up the duct. The liquid drips upwards from the pointy teeth. Millions of small black droplets almost suppress the blue glow of the walls on their way up. I didn't hope to go through such a passage but it's inevitable now. I descent a few steps to be able to breathe normally for a moment. Uncertain of the duct's length I inhale deeply and start the ascension.
(black sludge and a weary being)
The droplets can still form putrid clouds, no matter how high I climb the acid burns my retinae. Grinding my teeth I push higher and higher. My face is that of determination, of wrath and of hope - one twisted facial expression. I grab rung after rung, willing to go through the madness. I think to myself, that this is the survival of the fittest. There must be light at the end of the tunnel, there must be light for my soul.
(frenzied last mile)
The curtain of droplets starts evaporizing out of blue. My innards feel filthy, I spit out the slime and horror - self-cleansing act. I look up once more; I can only see the whitest of white glow, it invites me in. It purifies my body; no hunger, no thirst, no pain - feeling of enlightment. It pulls me into the sea of white, there is no ladder, there is nothing else than me and this feeling.
The all-encompassing purity makes me fall asleep.
I have come a long way, squeezing each of the ladder rungs tightly on my way up. The climb is getting progressively worse, some kind of breeze is swaying the azure ladder aggressively, at times all I can do is hang on and look at the surrounding void. Will I make it to the top? The breeze calms down once again, I have to continue this never-ending climb.
(upward struggle)
I have reached a point where I can see the dome's ceiling, the black flow curves along the walls to meet the center. I hold on to the ladder tightly and look directly above me, it seems like a huge duct with sharp teeth surrounding its entrance. Like a mouth of larva or some kind of monster sucking the stream in.
(climbing even closer)
I'm very close to the entrance now, my head can almost dive past the teeth. The black ooze's pungent acidy aroma quickly fills my nasal passages, despite that I try to glance up the duct. The liquid drips upwards from the pointy teeth. Millions of small black droplets almost suppress the blue glow of the walls on their way up. I didn't hope to go through such a passage but it's inevitable now. I descent a few steps to be able to breathe normally for a moment. Uncertain of the duct's length I inhale deeply and start the ascension.
(black sludge and a weary being)
The droplets can still form putrid clouds, no matter how high I climb the acid burns my retinae. Grinding my teeth I push higher and higher. My face is that of determination, of wrath and of hope - one twisted facial expression. I grab rung after rung, willing to go through the madness. I think to myself, that this is the survival of the fittest. There must be light at the end of the tunnel, there must be light for my soul.
(frenzied last mile)
The curtain of droplets starts evaporizing out of blue. My innards feel filthy, I spit out the slime and horror - self-cleansing act. I look up once more; I can only see the whitest of white glow, it invites me in. It purifies my body; no hunger, no thirst, no pain - feeling of enlightment. It pulls me into the sea of white, there is no ladder, there is nothing else than me and this feeling.
The all-encompassing purity makes me fall asleep.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
[Gig Review] Opeth 14.2.2009
Rare treat we had in Finland, Opeth, a swedish band combining the brutality of death metal and the beauty of acoustic into an exotic mixture, let's just call it progressive death metal. Their songs combine both the chill relaxed atmosphere and the in-your-face brutal power, often breaking ten minutes in length. Be it clean vocals or growling, Mikael Åkerfeldt seems to have the best of both worlds. The band has fully acoustic pieces in their repertoire as well.
I'm here to talk about their Club Teatria gig in Oulu on the 14th of February 2009. I'm proud to say that they sounded better live than on studio records, very few bands are that good, no joke. They offered a good set of songs from various albums, the highlights for me being "Deliverance", "Godhead's Lament" and "The Lotus Eater". The light show was on sync with the music and reflected each song's mood with fitting colors during every phase of the song. The sound quality was astoundingly clear, almost all of the important melodies were crystal clear and easy to listen to. Mikael gave nice speeches, he is really modest and can add some good humor into the mix. Lots of respect to Mikael for bringing this fantastic band to where it is today.
The gig was definitely superb all-around and I was even able to catch some of the action on my mobile phone. Enjoy (adding these only because they are captured by me):
Hooks up! (insider stuff)
I'm here to talk about their Club Teatria gig in Oulu on the 14th of February 2009. I'm proud to say that they sounded better live than on studio records, very few bands are that good, no joke. They offered a good set of songs from various albums, the highlights for me being "Deliverance", "Godhead's Lament" and "The Lotus Eater". The light show was on sync with the music and reflected each song's mood with fitting colors during every phase of the song. The sound quality was astoundingly clear, almost all of the important melodies were crystal clear and easy to listen to. Mikael gave nice speeches, he is really modest and can add some good humor into the mix. Lots of respect to Mikael for bringing this fantastic band to where it is today.
The gig was definitely superb all-around and I was even able to catch some of the action on my mobile phone. Enjoy (adding these only because they are captured by me):
Hooks up! (insider stuff)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Cassandra Complex
As I was watching the movie "Twelve Monkeys" I came across the term "Cassandra Complex".
Quote from "Cassandra (metaphor)" wikipedia article:
"The Cassandra metaphor (variously labelled the Cassandra 'syndrome', 'complex', 'phenomenon', 'predicament', 'dilemma', or 'curse'), is a term applied in situations in which valid warnings or concerns are dismissed or disbelieved.
The term originates in Greek mythology. Cassandra was a daughter of Priam, the King of Troy. Struck by her beauty, Apollo provided her with the gift of prophecy, but when Cassandra refused Apollo's romantic advances, he placed a curse ensuring that none would believe her warnings. Cassandra was left with the knowledge of future events, but could neither alter these events nor convince others of the validity of her predictions.
The metaphor has been applied in a variety of contexts such as psychology, environmentalism, politics, science, cinema, the corporate world, and in philosophy, and has been in circulation since at least 1949 when French philosopher Gaston Bachelard coined the term 'Cassandra Complex' to refer to a belief that things could be known in advance."
Imagine if seeing the future was possible but preventing those visions from happening would be impossible. Would such a person even want to live? You would know what everyone will say before they say it, you would know when the apocalypse happens and what caused it, you would know how everything goes down before it actually does - you would be a God.
In my opinion it's impossible for such prophetic vision to exist. Everyone changes their mind on things frequently, no power could ever calculate all the final outcomes beforehand. If you know some person really well, you may predict what he or she will do next, but that doesn't mean you have a supernatural gift. If the gift of prophecy would exist in its entirety in the first place, no one could possibly handle all that knowledge in a human brain.
What if this all happened before? What if the future is the present and we all are but a replay of the past? That would be interesting but sounds plain impossible. Even if someone lives in the future and travels back in time, for the sake of argument, he would only know about the things that he has wittnessed happening in the past or has read about in the future.
Remember the past, feel the present and dream of the future.
Quote from "Cassandra (metaphor)" wikipedia article:
"The Cassandra metaphor (variously labelled the Cassandra 'syndrome', 'complex', 'phenomenon', 'predicament', 'dilemma', or 'curse'), is a term applied in situations in which valid warnings or concerns are dismissed or disbelieved.
The term originates in Greek mythology. Cassandra was a daughter of Priam, the King of Troy. Struck by her beauty, Apollo provided her with the gift of prophecy, but when Cassandra refused Apollo's romantic advances, he placed a curse ensuring that none would believe her warnings. Cassandra was left with the knowledge of future events, but could neither alter these events nor convince others of the validity of her predictions.
The metaphor has been applied in a variety of contexts such as psychology, environmentalism, politics, science, cinema, the corporate world, and in philosophy, and has been in circulation since at least 1949 when French philosopher Gaston Bachelard coined the term 'Cassandra Complex' to refer to a belief that things could be known in advance."
Imagine if seeing the future was possible but preventing those visions from happening would be impossible. Would such a person even want to live? You would know what everyone will say before they say it, you would know when the apocalypse happens and what caused it, you would know how everything goes down before it actually does - you would be a God.
In my opinion it's impossible for such prophetic vision to exist. Everyone changes their mind on things frequently, no power could ever calculate all the final outcomes beforehand. If you know some person really well, you may predict what he or she will do next, but that doesn't mean you have a supernatural gift. If the gift of prophecy would exist in its entirety in the first place, no one could possibly handle all that knowledge in a human brain.
What if this all happened before? What if the future is the present and we all are but a replay of the past? That would be interesting but sounds plain impossible. Even if someone lives in the future and travels back in time, for the sake of argument, he would only know about the things that he has wittnessed happening in the past or has read about in the future.
Remember the past, feel the present and dream of the future.
Friday, February 13, 2009
[Short Story] Dread
(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)
In the heart of this metropolis you will find only despair; the varying minority groups of society are pushed around by the ironclad justice. No need to be a thief or a killer to be served this world's justice. The homeless, the black, the yellow, the... you get the point, get judged, however here the law is rotten beyond rational, the minorities aren't worth a dime for the people wearing suits, in fact here they are worth less than nothing, they repulse the people in their high towers. If you live here and belong to a minority you will be thankful for every second that you live, though, if it's life worth living is another story.
I gave the tabloid an unsettling glimpse, a man had murdered his son, his daughter, his wife and lastly himself. In reality I shouldn't feel pity for such, after all the man was one of the high class, not like me, he wouldn't have clue what kind of hell it is here on the streets but I guess he is in worse hell now. I shook my head in discomfort but the irony made my face twist into a grin. I continued to search for any leftover food that wasn't repulsive and filled with disease. The hunger to get a bite off of anything was enormous, distorting gutwrench in its wake. I walked along a random alley shifting through every garbage bin with no luck, I was just too hungry to bear the feeling anymore, I took couple more steps, the flies buzzing around my ears sounded like they were bombardiers from World War II, the surroundings started to change into a blurry smudge, then a black empty hug - I had fainted.
When I regained my consciousness I had no clue how much time had passed, only thing I was sure about was that it was getting dark, almost unbearably so. I tried to pull myself together but my intestines felt like they were making knots out of themselves. It felt like every bit of energy was leaving my body, cold sweat across my face. The atmosphere was frigid, every breath made a hazy cloud emerge. The fall was slowly moving towards the winter, not that there's much environmental indication in a place like this before the snow starts to fall.
Agonizing on the hard concrete floor, I was barely clinging to life, I just knew if all went black again I wouldn't return. I was waiting for a miracle - I was waiting for anything positive to happen. I screamed for help with what little power I had. What I was feeling was the ultimate despair, all because I'm homeless; no money, nothing to eat, barely having "things" to put on and call clothes. The rich can eat all they want every day, even throwing half of the food into the trash, all I knew was I hadn't eaten for a few days, I hadn't drunk much either lately since all the water I could find was from random puddles piled against the cement sides of the roads. In any case I had nothing of value, I couldn't find anything of value and my basic needs to go on hadn't been met for enough long time, the strain grasped me unbearably now, leaving me squirming on the grey surface - losing my consciousness yet again.
My body was discovered the next morning by the officials and was put into a black plastic bag with no emotion. Why would they care about a lowly bug like me or the others like me? I was just another corpse with no meaning for them. I had always wished there was a better place in afterlife, but there was nothing. After all that had been a struggle to live, hoping to stand up - I was granted the dreaded unmeaningful death instead.
In the heart of this metropolis you will find only despair; the varying minority groups of society are pushed around by the ironclad justice. No need to be a thief or a killer to be served this world's justice. The homeless, the black, the yellow, the... you get the point, get judged, however here the law is rotten beyond rational, the minorities aren't worth a dime for the people wearing suits, in fact here they are worth less than nothing, they repulse the people in their high towers. If you live here and belong to a minority you will be thankful for every second that you live, though, if it's life worth living is another story.
I gave the tabloid an unsettling glimpse, a man had murdered his son, his daughter, his wife and lastly himself. In reality I shouldn't feel pity for such, after all the man was one of the high class, not like me, he wouldn't have clue what kind of hell it is here on the streets but I guess he is in worse hell now. I shook my head in discomfort but the irony made my face twist into a grin. I continued to search for any leftover food that wasn't repulsive and filled with disease. The hunger to get a bite off of anything was enormous, distorting gutwrench in its wake. I walked along a random alley shifting through every garbage bin with no luck, I was just too hungry to bear the feeling anymore, I took couple more steps, the flies buzzing around my ears sounded like they were bombardiers from World War II, the surroundings started to change into a blurry smudge, then a black empty hug - I had fainted.
When I regained my consciousness I had no clue how much time had passed, only thing I was sure about was that it was getting dark, almost unbearably so. I tried to pull myself together but my intestines felt like they were making knots out of themselves. It felt like every bit of energy was leaving my body, cold sweat across my face. The atmosphere was frigid, every breath made a hazy cloud emerge. The fall was slowly moving towards the winter, not that there's much environmental indication in a place like this before the snow starts to fall.
Agonizing on the hard concrete floor, I was barely clinging to life, I just knew if all went black again I wouldn't return. I was waiting for a miracle - I was waiting for anything positive to happen. I screamed for help with what little power I had. What I was feeling was the ultimate despair, all because I'm homeless; no money, nothing to eat, barely having "things" to put on and call clothes. The rich can eat all they want every day, even throwing half of the food into the trash, all I knew was I hadn't eaten for a few days, I hadn't drunk much either lately since all the water I could find was from random puddles piled against the cement sides of the roads. In any case I had nothing of value, I couldn't find anything of value and my basic needs to go on hadn't been met for enough long time, the strain grasped me unbearably now, leaving me squirming on the grey surface - losing my consciousness yet again.
My body was discovered the next morning by the officials and was put into a black plastic bag with no emotion. Why would they care about a lowly bug like me or the others like me? I was just another corpse with no meaning for them. I had always wished there was a better place in afterlife, but there was nothing. After all that had been a struggle to live, hoping to stand up - I was granted the dreaded unmeaningful death instead.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
[Website] Kongregate
This time I'm going to introduce you to a certain website.
http://www.kongregate.com/
-Flash games across the board.
-Very fun badge system that pulls you in.
-User levels - who is the most persistent and skilled?
-The site's unique "card battle game" Kongregate.
-Chatrooms where you can talk about anything.
-Easy to rate and comment flash games.
Just few of the pros of the site, if you are into flash games this site might be your best bet on where to play them. I felt like the site deserves some promoting, so head there if you are ever bored.
In the time of boredom, you can do some scoredom.
http://www.kongregate.com/
-Flash games across the board.
-Very fun badge system that pulls you in.
-User levels - who is the most persistent and skilled?
-The site's unique "card battle game" Kongregate.
-Chatrooms where you can talk about anything.
-Easy to rate and comment flash games.
Just few of the pros of the site, if you are into flash games this site might be your best bet on where to play them. I felt like the site deserves some promoting, so head there if you are ever bored.
In the time of boredom, you can do some scoredom.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Night Bird
Once again I managed to stay awake through the whole night, it happens, even too often for me. During the night I feel more bored than usual too, so why won't I just sleep? My dayrhythm just happens to be so - random. A slob of a man sitting still and wondering things, that's me alright.
I feel like I'm fueled by a never-ending vortex of thoughts. Ignorance is bliss - I wish I was ignorant (actually I'm), but just knowing myself and my surroundings is way too much knowledge for my small head. It spins and spins and spins around.
Getting a healthy nap is like a well needed brain reset for me, sometimes I end up sleeping way too long though - lack of balance. The longer you stay up, the slower time moves - mental battle to stay awake in attempt to normalize your rhythm.
I wish I could live during the day too.
I feel like I'm fueled by a never-ending vortex of thoughts. Ignorance is bliss - I wish I was ignorant (actually I'm), but just knowing myself and my surroundings is way too much knowledge for my small head. It spins and spins and spins around.
Getting a healthy nap is like a well needed brain reset for me, sometimes I end up sleeping way too long though - lack of balance. The longer you stay up, the slower time moves - mental battle to stay awake in attempt to normalize your rhythm.
I wish I could live during the day too.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Surreal Surroundings pt.3
(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)
I feel like I'm in a completely another world from the last. It looks like a dome, well-lit and so large I can't see the other end of it, just the slowly curving walls on my sides. Something black flows upwards the seemingly blue walls, it forms smoke-like clouds in the air. Their smell is pungent and my eyes get irritated from standing in them. I don't feel so well. All of that black matter seems to stream towards the center of the ceiling, which I can't see either. I feel like I'm imprisoned in a dream, but it feels too real - all too real.
I take a deep breath and as a result I throw up. My body is not accustomed to inhaling tar, at least that's what the smoke entering your body feels like. I cover my face with my right arm and breathe with caution, since the fumes seem to be hazardous. They only seem to be lingering near the black liquid on the walls, so I sprint forward and hold my breath. I want to get through this sickening haze, maybe the center of this place holds some answers. I'm driven by something - a will to survive.
(one minute sprint)
My heart is racing but I think I'm past the smoke now. I allow myself to breathe again, the air feels clean - a sign of comfort. I ran so far that I can't distinguish the walls anymore. I'm certain I'm heading towards the center, in any case I have to trust my instincts on that, for this place makes very little sense to begin with.
(wandering in the blue)
I stop as I see a ladder, it looks like it's hanging down from nothingness. I'm convinced that this is the center, it has to be the center. The azure blue ladder rungs are carved in the shape of arms, they hang on to the sides, which in return are carved to resemble snakes. The arms alternate their direction on each step, this metal ladder is a mystery in its own right. I guess I have to climb up the ladder squirming down from the nothingness. It seems like the right way, but I'm tired. As dangerous as it might be I decide to sleep on the ground near the ladder, I need all the energy I can get to be able to climb up there. I'm starving and I'm thirsty but I have to get through this trial. Where does it end? Will I ever reach home? Am I dreaming? I fall asleep with these questions swirling in my mind.
(some hours pass by)
I rise up and rub my eyes. The sleep has regenerated most of my strength, I guess I'm set then. A glimpse towards the ladder and a nod of my head. I wish I will find something to eat up there.
Despite some of my bodily needs I start the climb.
I feel like I'm in a completely another world from the last. It looks like a dome, well-lit and so large I can't see the other end of it, just the slowly curving walls on my sides. Something black flows upwards the seemingly blue walls, it forms smoke-like clouds in the air. Their smell is pungent and my eyes get irritated from standing in them. I don't feel so well. All of that black matter seems to stream towards the center of the ceiling, which I can't see either. I feel like I'm imprisoned in a dream, but it feels too real - all too real.
I take a deep breath and as a result I throw up. My body is not accustomed to inhaling tar, at least that's what the smoke entering your body feels like. I cover my face with my right arm and breathe with caution, since the fumes seem to be hazardous. They only seem to be lingering near the black liquid on the walls, so I sprint forward and hold my breath. I want to get through this sickening haze, maybe the center of this place holds some answers. I'm driven by something - a will to survive.
(one minute sprint)
My heart is racing but I think I'm past the smoke now. I allow myself to breathe again, the air feels clean - a sign of comfort. I ran so far that I can't distinguish the walls anymore. I'm certain I'm heading towards the center, in any case I have to trust my instincts on that, for this place makes very little sense to begin with.
(wandering in the blue)
I stop as I see a ladder, it looks like it's hanging down from nothingness. I'm convinced that this is the center, it has to be the center. The azure blue ladder rungs are carved in the shape of arms, they hang on to the sides, which in return are carved to resemble snakes. The arms alternate their direction on each step, this metal ladder is a mystery in its own right. I guess I have to climb up the ladder squirming down from the nothingness. It seems like the right way, but I'm tired. As dangerous as it might be I decide to sleep on the ground near the ladder, I need all the energy I can get to be able to climb up there. I'm starving and I'm thirsty but I have to get through this trial. Where does it end? Will I ever reach home? Am I dreaming? I fall asleep with these questions swirling in my mind.
(some hours pass by)
I rise up and rub my eyes. The sleep has regenerated most of my strength, I guess I'm set then. A glimpse towards the ladder and a nod of my head. I wish I will find something to eat up there.
Despite some of my bodily needs I start the climb.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Hydra Cure
I came across an article about a peculiar animal making its way into medicine. We are talking about Hydra, not the mythology creature, but a tiny fresh-water predator. This only few millimeters long being is truly interesting and it's no wonder it has been put under the scientific scope.
Hydras have spectacular regenerative powers, you can cut a Hydra into pieces and those pieces will continue living. They can reproduce asexually or through sexual reproduction. They also age slowly, if at all, they are claimed to be immortal in the light of some evidence.
On the subject of medicine I'm quoting the article found in Journal of Biological Chemistry:
"A new antimicrobial compound has been isolated from the freshwater animal Hydra. The compound, called hydramacin-1, shares virtually no similarity with any other known antibacterial proteins except for two other antimicrobials found in leech, and has been shown in laboratory studies to be highly potent."
"In a series of laboratory experiments, this protein could kill a wide range of both Gram-positive and Gram-negative bacteria."
"Hydramacin works by sticking to the bacterial surface, promoting the clumping of nearby bacteria, then disrupting the bacterial membrane."
"it most closely resembled a superfamily of proteins found in scorpion venom."
Truly amazing information, it just shows how little we have figured out of our world and the possibilities residing in it.
Even tiny things can hold a great meaning.
Hydras have spectacular regenerative powers, you can cut a Hydra into pieces and those pieces will continue living. They can reproduce asexually or through sexual reproduction. They also age slowly, if at all, they are claimed to be immortal in the light of some evidence.
On the subject of medicine I'm quoting the article found in Journal of Biological Chemistry:
"A new antimicrobial compound has been isolated from the freshwater animal Hydra. The compound, called hydramacin-1, shares virtually no similarity with any other known antibacterial proteins except for two other antimicrobials found in leech, and has been shown in laboratory studies to be highly potent."
"In a series of laboratory experiments, this protein could kill a wide range of both Gram-positive and Gram-negative bacteria."
"Hydramacin works by sticking to the bacterial surface, promoting the clumping of nearby bacteria, then disrupting the bacterial membrane."
"it most closely resembled a superfamily of proteins found in scorpion venom."
Truly amazing information, it just shows how little we have figured out of our world and the possibilities residing in it.
Even tiny things can hold a great meaning.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Mood Swings
There are times when you act like an ass towards someone for no apparent reason or for a silly reason. We can act in so many different ways for no reason (must be another complexity feature of the human race). Being a jerk against your own will is not fun but it happens.
From happy to sad, from loving to loathing, mood swings. Some days feel like they are dedicated for a certain mood. You get up and you instantly feel like something. Thousands of moods zigzagging back and forth, plain one mood, or anything in the between - that's how it goes.
You often have a reason to act the way you do, but you could also keep everything to yourself. This motive, whatever it is, can be disregarded by your conscious awareness but your subconscious might think different. Sometimes you really want to gun out your mind against someone, but decide not to, yet after a while you do it anyway. Are we hiding from the things we want to feel? Are we in control of the things we do feel? Questions - they just like to crawl to the surface.
Mood swings can happen due to many things, like hormonal changes and mood disorders, but in my opinion they are also things that just happen, call it a "natural tendency" if you will. A bad day at work makes you feel like shit, nothing surprising about that, if only it was always so straightforward.
Sometimes I feel like a passenger instead of the driver.
From happy to sad, from loving to loathing, mood swings. Some days feel like they are dedicated for a certain mood. You get up and you instantly feel like something. Thousands of moods zigzagging back and forth, plain one mood, or anything in the between - that's how it goes.
You often have a reason to act the way you do, but you could also keep everything to yourself. This motive, whatever it is, can be disregarded by your conscious awareness but your subconscious might think different. Sometimes you really want to gun out your mind against someone, but decide not to, yet after a while you do it anyway. Are we hiding from the things we want to feel? Are we in control of the things we do feel? Questions - they just like to crawl to the surface.
Mood swings can happen due to many things, like hormonal changes and mood disorders, but in my opinion they are also things that just happen, call it a "natural tendency" if you will. A bad day at work makes you feel like shit, nothing surprising about that, if only it was always so straightforward.
Sometimes I feel like a passenger instead of the driver.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Technological Failures
In the morning your electric device is in top shape, you expect it to stay that way - that's not always the case. In the evening you fire up your electric device, it doesn't start - after fiddling around with it you bitterly accept it's broken.
Electronic engineering is not a trade we all specialize in, so finding the root of a problem on your own can be tedious. Two options; get the broken device fixed somehow or buy a new one. In some cases, however, taking your broken device to maintenance might end up costing more than actually buying a new piece instead.
Plain aging can destroy a component or a connection in an electronic circuit. Before completely breaking down, the device can get less responsive at the very least. No matter how well-preserved your equipment is, time takes its toll. It's either that or bad luck.
You can accidentally break something but it rarely happens to me, things just stop working and they must get replaced or revived.
The modern civilization relies way too much on electricity altogether, most of our everyday life gadgets run on electricity - get a power outage and you're stranded with no luxury in sight. The world would tremble if electricity just ceased to exist. No more TV, internet or mobile phones - amongst endless amount of other things.
Such is the cycle of power-induced junk.
Electronic engineering is not a trade we all specialize in, so finding the root of a problem on your own can be tedious. Two options; get the broken device fixed somehow or buy a new one. In some cases, however, taking your broken device to maintenance might end up costing more than actually buying a new piece instead.
Plain aging can destroy a component or a connection in an electronic circuit. Before completely breaking down, the device can get less responsive at the very least. No matter how well-preserved your equipment is, time takes its toll. It's either that or bad luck.
You can accidentally break something but it rarely happens to me, things just stop working and they must get replaced or revived.
The modern civilization relies way too much on electricity altogether, most of our everyday life gadgets run on electricity - get a power outage and you're stranded with no luxury in sight. The world would tremble if electricity just ceased to exist. No more TV, internet or mobile phones - amongst endless amount of other things.
Such is the cycle of power-induced junk.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
[Poem] Marked
A walk in the park - I bear a mark.
What happened to the park? - grey mist and dark.
Curse this mark - branded by soil.
Pain becomes too stark - makes my blood boil.
I vomit black oil - is there no God?
My body is in turmoil - world around turned odd.
Aliens and a pod - the air is cold.
From the earth rose a rod - nothing good it told.
Colony in gold - infiltrates my brain.
View most grim and old - was not made in vain.
What is the gain? - otherworld train.
I'm now a child in chain - servant to mother brain.
What happened to the park? - grey mist and dark.
Curse this mark - branded by soil.
Pain becomes too stark - makes my blood boil.
I vomit black oil - is there no God?
My body is in turmoil - world around turned odd.
Aliens and a pod - the air is cold.
From the earth rose a rod - nothing good it told.
Colony in gold - infiltrates my brain.
View most grim and old - was not made in vain.
What is the gain? - otherworld train.
I'm now a child in chain - servant to mother brain.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Faces, Reflections And Masks
All of us have two faces; what we feel in the inside and what we show to the outside. The outside can be a mere reflection - a disguise. We act different depending on who we are dealing with and it's often a mask, not an indication of how we truly feel. With some people you can throw away that mask and show the face inside - the freedom of being yourself.
In most people you can see your own reflection, that doesn't mean they are exactly like you, but parts of them are similar, parts that make you feel a connection. We all belong to the same race after all, a complex one at that, and it's gratifying to know that.
Some people can also see through masks and some people are possessed by them. We use masks because we aren't simple, we can't live by following mere instincts, we take too many things into consideration before acting - so we are fake, fake because we don't want to get in trouble.
That leads us to a question: "Do we ever truly know a person?" I have come to a conclusion that we are naturally sick as a race, we like to fantasize, without morals we would be ruthless, but how many of us accept that. It's ironic when the "sick" people get mouthed at: "you're not human", maybe they are nothing but "human", the vile creature lurking beneath the skin. Have you ever told anyone about the natural darkness in you? Would you have the courage? Would they mark you as a madman? Are you just reflecting what they want to see or can you show them your true face? All these questions - sometimes it's better to settle in being a mirror, but sometimes you want to take chances.
Luckily we are also understanding of our many faces.
In most people you can see your own reflection, that doesn't mean they are exactly like you, but parts of them are similar, parts that make you feel a connection. We all belong to the same race after all, a complex one at that, and it's gratifying to know that.
Some people can also see through masks and some people are possessed by them. We use masks because we aren't simple, we can't live by following mere instincts, we take too many things into consideration before acting - so we are fake, fake because we don't want to get in trouble.
That leads us to a question: "Do we ever truly know a person?" I have come to a conclusion that we are naturally sick as a race, we like to fantasize, without morals we would be ruthless, but how many of us accept that. It's ironic when the "sick" people get mouthed at: "you're not human", maybe they are nothing but "human", the vile creature lurking beneath the skin. Have you ever told anyone about the natural darkness in you? Would you have the courage? Would they mark you as a madman? Are you just reflecting what they want to see or can you show them your true face? All these questions - sometimes it's better to settle in being a mirror, but sometimes you want to take chances.
Luckily we are also understanding of our many faces.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Surreal Surroundings pt.2
(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)
I open my eyes just to realize it's still as dark as before. I'm naked and kneeling. My kneecaps, hands and toes take no comfort from what feels like cold concrete floor. Just kneeling there - confused, lost and most of all too afraid to produce any sound.
Slowly coming back to my senses I see a hint of red forming a clean line, just few feet in front of me. I stare at it and I ponder what might be the origin of such. Suddenly the place starts to shake violently. I'm surrounded by thundering sounds, as if a gargantuan mechanical device was put in motion. Stone screeches against stone, it hurts my ears, I wish it would stop. The red line expands with every passing second. I'm not sure if the floor I'm on is descenting or if some obstructing wall in front of me is ascending - tremors and confusion. Feels like I'm a trapped in an earthquake.
(moments of despair)
The quakes stop and I shiver. I behold a great door made out of stone. The stones seem to be the source for all of the red glow. The door has strong pillar-like frames surrounding it, that are made like exquisite sculptures in detail. Even the door is filled with ancient carvings, that somehow pull you in, like they were telling a tale from the past. Some kind of miniature statue is overlooking the door - it looks like an angel, angel of death.
I must have spent a small eternity looking at that door, at all that red glow. Where will it lead? Do I want to find out? I guess I have no other choice. At one point, in the process of getting back up on my feet, I find myself in a genuflecting pose - like a prayer sent to hell - I'm standing vigilant now.
The door is heavy like all the weight of the world was backing it up from the other side. It has to be my imagination. I give it another push - it doesn't even budge. I sit on the cold floor and hold my head.
(moments of hopelessness)
The earthquake is back, grim orchestral of stone gnawing against stone. The door is slowly moving, slowly sliding open. Is this real?
I swallow my fear and walk through.
I open my eyes just to realize it's still as dark as before. I'm naked and kneeling. My kneecaps, hands and toes take no comfort from what feels like cold concrete floor. Just kneeling there - confused, lost and most of all too afraid to produce any sound.
Slowly coming back to my senses I see a hint of red forming a clean line, just few feet in front of me. I stare at it and I ponder what might be the origin of such. Suddenly the place starts to shake violently. I'm surrounded by thundering sounds, as if a gargantuan mechanical device was put in motion. Stone screeches against stone, it hurts my ears, I wish it would stop. The red line expands with every passing second. I'm not sure if the floor I'm on is descenting or if some obstructing wall in front of me is ascending - tremors and confusion. Feels like I'm a trapped in an earthquake.
(moments of despair)
The quakes stop and I shiver. I behold a great door made out of stone. The stones seem to be the source for all of the red glow. The door has strong pillar-like frames surrounding it, that are made like exquisite sculptures in detail. Even the door is filled with ancient carvings, that somehow pull you in, like they were telling a tale from the past. Some kind of miniature statue is overlooking the door - it looks like an angel, angel of death.
I must have spent a small eternity looking at that door, at all that red glow. Where will it lead? Do I want to find out? I guess I have no other choice. At one point, in the process of getting back up on my feet, I find myself in a genuflecting pose - like a prayer sent to hell - I'm standing vigilant now.
The door is heavy like all the weight of the world was backing it up from the other side. It has to be my imagination. I give it another push - it doesn't even budge. I sit on the cold floor and hold my head.
(moments of hopelessness)
The earthquake is back, grim orchestral of stone gnawing against stone. The door is slowly moving, slowly sliding open. Is this real?
I swallow my fear and walk through.
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