*Drumroll*

Took my entrance exam for data processing sciences on thursday, felt pretty easy, pretty sure I'm getting in.

That's all for now.

Settling In

So I've been here for a week now, haven't done a whole lot but I did check out the local bar with my cousin and a friend mine, drank a few and played some billiard, my friend's jokes almost made my lungs burst from laughter, owch, it's a good feeling though.

I also just started regularly walking with another friend of mine, we'll be doing it every second day, we walked one hour this friday and chatted all kinds of crap, then went shopping and came to my place to listen to some music.

Then I got an offer from yet another friend of mine to join a local casual World of Warcraft guild, I haven't played in ages but it's worth consideration, I know I won't get hooked to that thing and it's one way to further socialize here. We'll see.

I'm not too interested in updating this blog so often anymore like I used to be, maybe I'll do it once in a while when I have something to say. I've been doing this as a personal thing but it's feeling increasingly pointless, only handful of people other than me visit this blog anyway.

Then I've also read a lot to my entrance exam, those damned books.

Moving Done

Pretty fast and painless operation, here are some pictures of the apartment:

White Hat Hacking

Hacking as a subject is really interesting but in most cases it's highly illegal, there are ways around it though, such as being a white hat hacker.

From the wikipedia article called "White hat":

"White hat hackers, also known as "ethical hackers," are computer security experts, who specialize in penetration testing, and other testing methodologies, to ensure that a company's information systems are secure. Such people are employed by companies where these professionals are sometimes called "sneakers." Groups of these people are often called tiger teams or red teams. These security experts may utilize a variety of methods to carry out their tests, including social engineering tactics, use of hacking tools, and attempts to evade security to gain entry into secured areas.

The National Security Agency offers certifications such as the CNSS 4011. Such a certification covers orderly, ethical hacking techniques and team management. Aggressor teams are called "red" teams. Defender teams are called "blue" teams."

To even become a real hacker you have to consume endless amount of information about operating systems and various other things, naturally what you need to learn depends on what you wish to hack. Since hacking is highly illegal, amateur hackers can easily get caught from malicious hacking since they probably can't cover their tracks efficiently enough. I doubt even good hackers can get away with everything, I'm sure they are very careful on picking targets - hacking the White House is not the safest operation to go for.

The effort needed to get into the trade mixed with the high risk of getting caught leads to the fact that being a white hat hacker is a good option for many people who love hacking, they may hack but they leave their contact details and/or instructions on how to fix the problem they caused. So some hackers start hacking as a hobby but end up working for some company they hacked. Security gets improved and the hacker needs to find a new way to get in, creating a loop which solidifies the security all the time.

Hacking the White House might get you employed, think about that for a minute.

Snakes On A Plate

Not really, but I did visit a snake show the last sunday with my sister and two of her kids, I've been to one when I was a kid, it felt lot duller this time around though. Only two spiders and three lizards were present, but there was a freak show side to the thing, wax statues of weird things such as a man with two pupils, stuff like that - some things were authentic too such as a two-headed baby's mummy.

After that trip we went to celebrate my aunt's birthday in an italian restaurant, I ate some salad, a steak with onion potatoes and a mango sorbet, overall it was pretty eventful day.

Now to go and buy some curtains and go get a vacuum cleaner from my brother since I'll be moving out next week.

Until the next time I can be arsed to write.

Lost

Do you ever get the feeling that you have wasted so much time doing nearly nothing at all? Well I do and today is one of those days I think about it; I should be less on my computer (not shut it off completely from my days but lessen its presence), I should practice piano a lot more (I'm now 7 or 8 months in and I have only practiced 2 full songs and parts of some songs), I should exercise more (even though I do exercise), I should expand my knowledge a lot, I should try to be more social (goes against my nature but still for some reason I want to try) and I should sleep when normal people sleep.

I have a lot of improving to do, let's see how it goes.

Swine Flu

Swine influenza outbreak, news go wild, world is trembling, another mild threat blown out of proportion, that is all.

Pork anyone?

My Metal Awards 2008

I had bigger plans but ended up making a top ten list:

------ MY TOP 10 METAL ALBUM PICKS FROM THE YEAR 2008 ------

[ #1: Cynic - Traced In Air ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Nunc Fluens ]
[ 2. The Space For This ]
[ 3. Evolutionary Sleeper ]
[ 4. Integral Birth ]
[ 5. The Unknown Guest ]
[ 6. Adam's Murmur ]
[ 7. King Of Those Who Know ]
[ 8. Nunc Stans ]

[ #2: Sculptured - Embodiment ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Taking My Body Apart ]
[ 2. The Shape Of Rage ]
[ 3. A Moment Of Uncertainty ]
[ 4. Bodies Without Organs ]
[ 5. Embodiment Is The Purest Form Of Horror ]

[ #3: Protest The Hero - Fortress ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Bloodmeat ]
[ 2. The Dissentience ]
[ 3. Bone Marrow ]
[ 4. Sequoia Throne ]
[ 5. Palms Read ]
[ 6. Limb From Limb]
[ 7. Spoils ]
[ 8. Wretch ]
[ 9. Goddess Bound ]
[ 10. Goddess Gagged ]

[ #4: Septic Flesh - Communion ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Lovecraft's Death ]
[ 2. Anubis ]
[ 3. Communion ]
[ 4. Babel's Gate ]
[ 5. We The Gods ]
[ 6. Sunlight Moonlight ]
[ 7. Persepolis ]
[ 8. Sangreal ]
[ 9. Narcissus ]

[ #5: Gojira - The Way Of All Flesh ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Oroborus ]
[ 2. Toxic Garbage Island ]
[ 3. A Sight To Behold ]
[ 4. Yama's Messengers ]
[ 5. The Silver Cord ]
[ 6. All The Tears ]
[ 7. Adoration For None ]
[ 8. The Art Of Dying ]
[ 9. Esoteric Surgery ]
[ 10. Vacuity ]
[ 11. Wolf Down The Earth ]
[ 12. The Way Of All Flesh ]

[ #6: Scar Symmetry - Holographic Universe ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Morphogenesis ]
[ 2. Timewave Zero ]
[ 3. Quantumleaper ]
[ 4. Artificial Sun Projection ]
[ 5. The Missing Coordinates ]
[ 6. Ghost Prototype I (Measurement Of Thought) ]
[ 7. Fear Catalyst ]
[ 8. Trapezoid ]
[ 9. Prism And Gate ]
[ 10. Holographic Universe ]
[ 11. The Three-Dimensional Shadow ]
[ 12. Ghost Prototype II (Deus Ex Machina) ]

[ #7: Meshuggah - obZen ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Combustion ]
[ 2. Electric Red ]
[ 3. Bleed ]
[ 4. Lethargica ]
[ 5. obZen ]
[ 6. This Spiteful Snake ]
[ 7. Pineal Gland Optics ]
[ 8. Pravus ]
[ 9. Dancers To A Discordant System ]

[ #8: Stam1na - Raja ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Hammasratas ]
[ 2. Susi-Ihminen ]
[ 3. Muistipalapelit ]
[ 4. Vartijaton ]
[ 5. Voima Vastaan Viha ]
[ 6. Lääke ]
[ 7. Kädet Vasten Lasia ]
[ 8. Luova Hulluus ]
[ 9. Muuri ]
[ 10. Murtumispiste ]

[ #9: Ihsahn - angL ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Misanthrope ]
[ 2. Scarab ]
[ 3. Unhealer ]
[ 4. Emancipation ]
[ 5. Malediction ]
[ 6. Alchemist ]
[ 7. Elevator ]
[ 8. Threnody ]
[ 9. Monolith ]

[ #10: Opeth - Watershed ]
tracklist:
[ 1. Coil ]
[ 2. Heir Apparent ]
[ 3. The Lotus Eater ]
[ 4. Burden ]
[ 5. Porcelain Heart ]
[ 6. Hessian Peel ]
[ 7. Hex Omega ]

Moving Soon

I have signed a rental contract today, so I'm paying for half of the student apartment my cousin lives in already, which means I will be most likely moving there in the next few weeks time. Besides that I hope I will find something interesting to write about, since I haven't really shined in that department lately.

In other news: the Telecoms Package thing is not as bad as I speculated, if it will ever go through in the first place. Apparently the countries are allowed to do many things if it goes live but they aren't forced to do them.

On top of that I might try and make a "chiptune album" for fun if my patience allows me to.

Over and out.

Telecoms Package

EU is going down an interesting path; internet censorship.

The proposed "Telecoms Package" allows users to only view the websites included in their package. How limiting this will be is not in my knowledge, but ultimately it's a marathon backwards and fights against EU's own laws. EU is trying to be a "Big Brother", but it will backfire so badly that it's not even funny, mark my words.

Internet is full of useless information but people want to have their freedom and view that useless information as they like. People want to have their silly communes focused on their hobbies, people want to read silly underground webcomics, people want to be free!

The first stage of this proposal got easily over 50% of votes, so it's likely going to happen, setting it all up if it does go through is another story however.

Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telecoms_Package
http://www.laquadrature.net/wiki/Telecoms_Package

Buckle up for the age of text-TV internet.

Digital Piano Action pt.1

Song: Chasing the Black-Caped Man
Game: Final Fantasy VII
Composer: Nobuo Uematsu
Player: Me
Instrument: Korg SP-250

Some faults are present: notes that aren't sounding, hitting extra notes on the side by accident, tempo fluctuation, leaving out a small scale from the D-part of the song, bad camera angle, and close to no dynamics - still it's not a bad run for me. I was also listening to the original song through headphones while playing this.

I have only played piano for 7 months (and I haven't practiced nearly enough during that time).

Pyjamas, messy room and nightvision (because I forgot it was on) also included!

In any case I hope you enjoy this average performance :)

Surreal Surroundings pt.10

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

The only real person I had seen in this hell was now a shining lump of flesh, determined to strike me down with no remorse. I can only feel the lingering whispers of death in my constraints. What is it like to die, or to be reborn, will I be there or is it just a machine? I feel the heavy air on my skin - the beckoning breeze.

Unlocked, dragged and put into place. Will I be a spectator of my own death? Five of them wear their hooded robes, the new member of their family doesn't get that luxury, but it seems he will get the luxury of severing my soul. All humanity flees with this inhumanity I'm surrounded by. I can already envision the last film roll gliding past my eyes, as the blade is being readied for a new dive.

(anticipating death)

It was apparent that this journey wouldn't be like the ones in fantasy books, where the good wins and the evil subsides. It was apparent I was lost in an unknown world - alone. After admitting that, I'm already an empty shell of organic processes and electricity - faceless like these aliens.

I have to succumb to this certain fate.

(thrusting blade of death)

I can't put it into words what it felt like to go through death, but I wasn't resurrected as a monster, I was merely seperated from my earthly shell. I'm a soul now, watching my own carapace from above.

When you cease to exist in the material world, you will receive a true face. The face that represents you in the minds of others - a legacy.

I bid farewell to my flesh and begin my eternal flight in space.

THE END

[Movie Review] Noroi: The Curse (2005)

Japanese atmospheric horror done in documentary fashion.

A japanese reporter tries to solve paranormal mysteries, this time around he gets entangled with a legend of a higher degree. I love how this movie gives out sublime messages as the plot progresses, you are inside a slowly unfolding puzzle, a creepy one at that. The movie is presented as a documentary the reporter made with his cameraman. Various clues are knit together as the reporter interviews people connected to the subject. The actors and scenery are mostly what you could expect from everyday life in Japan, they really make that humane side of the movie. Sound effects aren't overused and add a magnificent touch, which is to be expected. Note that this movie shows nearly no violence, it's all about the atmosphere and it works like a charm. The movie doesn't reveal everything, so your imagination works as a delicious side dish. Disturbing peek at paranormality that may haunt you for a while.

I'll give this movie a surreal injection 9+/10

Stepman

Since I haven't posted yet about this little "hobby" called Stepmania I will do it now. This stuff got me interested in playing piano, true story, it's just fun to hit keys. I haven't played a whole lot lately so I'm rubbish now but you can look at these old videos.

Video from 5 months ago:


Video from 3 months ago:

Metal To Be Had

I want to make a year 2008 top metal albums list, maybe top 5, maybe top 10, maybe even top 20, but for that I have to spend some time re-evaluating the albums I have heard (I have missed some good ones for sure, but that's to be expected). I will rate each song with a rating and make an average of the album, also other stuff counts for total score but songs count most. I will also award single songs that deserve it. When I finish this adventure I will make a post titled "My Metal Awards 2008", so stay tuned.

Aspects I will look at besides invidual song scoring: songwriting, lyrics, vocals, production, mood and song order.

In the end of the day it will still be just my collective opinion.

Audio Overload

Are you a video game music junkie? If so, go and get this program:
Audio Overload

You can listen to many direct rips from old consoles with it, for example sega mega drive which I grew up with. Here's a really nifty site with a wide variety of sega genesis & sega mega drive music:
Project 2612

Have fun.

Oh Snap!

21 years and counting.

Got a fancy Korg SP-250 digital piano as a present *wink wink*

Surreal Surroundings pt.9

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

I'm terrified by the mist persons, they seem so natural, yet so different from a normal human being. How does that mist work anyways? It must be a living thing, but it's as if smoke had intelligence, something too weird to comprehend for my small head.

The mist persons glide closer to me and blend into each other, they start swirling around me, forming a great barrier, as if I was standing inside the eye of a tornado. This blue stream encircles me, the interior I see has faces coming out of the stream, faces that seem somehow familiar.

(searching deep)

It dawns on me that the faces are those of my family, of my friends, of myself and whoever else I faintly remember - the great vortex of familiar faces. I'm confused and disgusted, the mist is clearly playing with my feelings. Now all of my life experiences start pouring into my head with excessive force. I have tears in my eyes and I fall on my knees. Will this ever stop?

(calm before the storm)

The tornado starts to settle down and I'm gasping for air, for the experience was truly exhausting. The things I remembered through that display only add to my pain and desperation. The mist divides into five shapes resembling a human being, like it was before it turned into a spiraling cloud. Only this time around the mist seems to solidify; now the things look like a huge clump of flesh in the shape of a human being, but lacking a face. They look like any human, just their face is sanded off. They grab my arms and start dragging me down the dead silent corridors of their domain.

(the arrival)

I'm brought to a large hall. There the aliens put on a greyish blue hooded robe. They lock me in place with some alien technology that prevents any movement and speech. They want me to watch their sick ritual. On the other side of the hall there is another human locked in place. They walk up to the person and free him from his restraints, he screams in horror, the whole hall echoes from his powerful panic attack. The aliens just ruthlessly drag him to the center. They put him on his knees and four of the aliens hold him in place, while the fifth raises a long sword-like object. The man still tries to scream while the aliens hold his mouth open with their disgustingly shining flesh hands. The fifth alien coldly thrusts the blade down the man's throat, I throw up from just looking at the event. The sword-like object glows blue now and only moments after his death the man starts to merge with the sword. The sword evaporates and the man jerks around violently, finally turning into a flesh alien like the others.

Six aliens slowly make their way towards me.

[Album Review] The Black Mages - The Black Mages III: Darkness And Starlight (2008)

Current members:
Tsuyoshi Sekito - guitar
Michio Okamiya - guitar
Nobuo Uematsu - organ
Kenichiro Fukui - keyboard
Keiji Kawamori - bass
Arata Hanyuda - drums

Track Listing:
01 - Opening ~ Bombing Mission 4:39
02 - Neo EXDEATH 4:39
03 - The Extreme 5:51
04 - Assault of the Silver Dragons 5:01
05 - KURAYAMINOKUMO 4:56
06 - Distant Worlds 7:32
07 - Premonition 5:23
08 - Grand Cross 5:34
09 - Darkness and Starlight 15:32
10 - Life ~ in memory of KEITEN ~ 1:38

Favourite songs : "Assault of the Silver Dragons", "Opening ~ Bombing Mission" and "Premonition".

I found this album pretty late but it was exciting to see, that the band continues to write and play new material. It's a band formed by Nobuo Uematsu that plays progressive rock arrangements of Final Fantasy songs. What could go wrong with that?

The arrangements are mostly superb and very lively, my only gripes are probably with the last two tracks of the album; the title track has japanese opera singing and very many phases, so it's sort of interesting, but the songs showcased in this track aren't my favorite at all. The last track "Life ~ in memory of KEITEN ~" is a soothing piano song but it's really short, even when it's original work I'd call it an average effort compared to the superior first 4/5 of the album.

The songs are played pretty softly and clearly in general, still a surge of power comes into play quite often, which is appreciated. The players don't use dynamics whole lot per say but the musical mood swings are dynamic enough for me. Every player in the band is highly skilled with their instrument, the playing is amazingly accurate and really brings another dimension into the old Final Fantasy songs.

The exciting "rock band" way of playing the existing songs really blows new life into the already marvelous songs, so if you are fan of Final Fantasy series and/or music you should check these guys out immediately.

I'll give this album a happy chocobo 9-/10

Magic Cubes

For any puzzle fanatics out there, I present some nice cube puzzles (no I haven't done them but I do find them interesting). Everyone knows the first one, it's just a virtual version of rubix cube 3x3x3 but it gets more and more absurd, for example; Magic Cube 4D as a 3x3x3x3 has more possible positions than our universum has atoms and Magic Cube 5D as 7x7x7x7x7 hasn't been solved by anyone in the world. Unbelievable I say. It goes without saying that the previous difficulty helps to understand the next, anyhow here they are:

Magic Cube 3D

Magic Cube 4D

Magic Cube 5D

and as a bonus a non-cube thing:

Magic 120 Cell

Here's the only existing solve of it:


Good luck if you wish to try any of them.

[Movie Review] The City Of Lost Children (1995)

Charming sci-fi/fantasy movie that is almost perfectly executed.

Let's start off with the fact that every character in this movie is brilliantly crafted and an unique person, or scrap the unique person bit because you can find siamese twins and a pack of midget clones from the movie. The premise of the story is that a mad scientist named Krank, who is aging prematurely, kidnaps children in order to steal their dreams. Over the course of the movie the other main characters become apparent: there is a strong and stupid adult named One and a weak and smart kid named Miette, they bond as the movie progresses and it's really cute side to the movie. The scenery is made with utmost care and stylistic sense, it feels like everything shown in the movie is shown for a reason, no filler bits in my eyes. The music and the sound effects do their job as well, but the movie is more about eye candy. There is also darkness in the movie's color palette, but the little violence that is shown is nothing graphic. You will be hooked until the ending credits start rolling in, for the movie sucks you into the magical and technological world that has elements from across the board, in fact the only thing missing from the movie is certain "greater intensity". I can wholeheartedly recommend this wonderfully bizarre and captivating ride for anyone and encourage them to go ahead and see it with their own eyes.

I'll give this movie a superior 9+/10

[Movie Review] Session 9 (2001)

Average chiller with a prominent build up.

Danvers State Mental Hospital needs to renovated but it has to be rid of asbestos. The asbestos disposal team comes into play here, they promise to clean up the mess extra fast and are promised a large bonus fee if they succeed. The chiller part starts immediately after they start working on the building, you can't deny the creepiness of the mental hospital in question. The ride goes on and on, building atmosphere and backbone for the climax, in fact it goes on far too long and then the climax just comes from around the corner. The climax is interesting but feels like it leaves a lot of potholes lying around. Worth a watch but nothing too exciting.

I'll give this movie a lazy pat on the back 6-/10

Surreal Surroundings pt.8

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

Atoms in space, that is what I am. Atoms that are being led towards an unknown destination. I can't feel the feeling of me, but there is something subtle, a force of will perhaps.

(flight of the particles)

Suddenly the bits and pieces of my flying jigsaw puzzle reconnect - rematerialization of my being. Hundreds of sensations go through me, a sudden storm ravaging the peaceful coast of my mind. All my bodily functions are regained on a single heartbeat, never have I had to endure such a rude awakening.

I'm a mess. I open my eyes slightly, an ethereal blue light penetrates into my retinae, stinging deep, as if searching for a weakness. Trying to shield my vision with my right hand I take a glimpse around me. I see tall corridors with cold steel walls covered with strange symbols, like the ones that were on the monument at the clearing. The blue light radiates from those marks, it infiltrates my head, talking in a language unknown. I wish I could understand it, I wish I could answer to it.

(the walls spread a chant)

The sound in my head changes into a screeching noise, my ears start to hurt as it continues to get louder and louder. I try to cover my ears but the pain keeps climbing towards an excruciating point. I scream from the top of my lungs. It's the loudest scream I have ever made, the screech quiets down and the light from the walls grows dim. I gasp for air in a shock.

(loud humming)

An exotic iron cage descents from the ceiling, an oval vessel with oval holes. It creates a solid thud as it hits the floor. Seemingly blue mist sprouts out from the various holes of the vessel, the mist forms a figure representing a human just outside of it. The mist is clearly mimicing my appearance. Could this mist be an intelligent lifeform? It creeps me out but it doesn't seem hostile.

(like looking into a mirror)

I stare at it in awe. It's genuinely shocking to see something alien trying to mimic your race in size and in shape, something so similar yet so different.

Now it started repeating my every move, but I try to ignore what it's doing. Abruptly my head is filled with weird words again, I still can't answer to the voice, so the screeching noise returns, probably as a mechanism for disobeying the voice. The pain returns too, so I scream yet again - the noise subsides. Now four more vessels descent from the ceiling accompanied with loud humming. They land with a thud and emit a mist person just outside of them.

Encircled by something alien.

3D Warrior

So I suddenly had this idea to get some 3D software. I have a program called "Cinema 4D" now and I'm itching to learn the ways of the trade, if I get anything done I'll put it in my blog for display with some information on the process.

Wish me luck.

[Movie Review] Martyrs (2008)

Another french gem spotted!

This movie is one of the strongest movies I have ever seen without a doubt. The plot is revealed slowly and steadily, some might not get far enough to see the actual plot, for the movie is truly disgusting in all its beauty. The movie has 2 distinct parts but the less you know beforehand the better the enjoyment I'd say. Reality horror and a quest for answers, a rough ride to see the big picture. The scenery is minimalistic but serves the purpose magnificently, also sound effects and music do their job and aren't overused. The main actors are putting a plethora of strong emotions into play and the movie isn't shy about anything, it goes so far that it may be called tasteless but I don't think it is. Definitely not for minors, you can really feel the intensity of the scenes.

I'll give this movie a breathtaking 9½/10

Future Ahoy!

In the coming month or so I will be applying to an university and moving into a student apartment. I will become a flatmate for my cousin, which should also be interesting. So yeah things to think about and things to get done.

Onwards on the road of life.

Headache

I don't like headaches, they make me feel like my head is expanding and pumping molten lava through my veins, like a bubble about to burst - more importantly they seem to come out of nowhere. It makes thinking hurt and it's just an annoying state of confusion and pain. This isn't as bad as having a hangover but it's bad enough to make you want to fast forward past it.

I hope sleep repels this headache.

[Poem] Dawn of Future Apocalypse

World stood still - encased within whispering ice.
Walls were painted with silence and midnight frost.
Only daughter of sun here - spread her wings twice.
Ruins all around her telling sad tale of lost.
She shed sparkling tear and without fear held still.
Stared upon darkest ruins with her fingers crossed.
Breeze blew through her towards dark cemetary hill.
Under all that dust was fading light of past.
From this sad day extinction takes its grim fill.
Funeral for mankind that once was so vast.
Rays of blue aurora reflect final gate.
Dawn of future apocalypse takes step last.

Always has human held inside war and hate.
Always evolving towards ill-pictured fate.

Surreal Surroundings pt.7

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

This translucent monument on the barren soil, this circle shaped clearing amidst the dark forest, this altar of madness under the weeping space. Strange symbols cover the monument, it must be the language of some great alien species. A transporter pad? A signal flare? What is the meaning of this peculiar design?

(naked under the cold horizon)

I hold my head and sway it from side to side. Why is this happening? I assure myself, that there is no greater feeling of desperation than this dreamlike jail - this unjust confinement. I must not give up so easily, without hope there is nothing and with nothing I can't exist. My head is killing me as I stare obliviously at the symbols, darker than night, yet surrounded by an ethereal blue light. I want to touch the thing, something is ought to happen when you meddle with unknown forces. In this bleak world there is no time for guesswork, so I just have to trust my instincts - a journey built on luck.

(a curious touch)

It tickles my flesh, like electric sparks would, but nothing special follows. I release my touch and stand still. I take a hold of it with both of my hands now, the power it surges seems to increase in potency, still nothing special follows. Frustration crawls up my spine, this thing can't be here for nothing, it just can't. What if I wrap myself around it and hug it real tight? Here goes for nothing. It feels extremely warm now, my whole body is being electrocuted, but it doesn't hurt. The blue light intensifies, it must be on the brink of getting activated. I squeeze it even tighter. I can't let go, neither will it let go of me - sucking me in.

(violent bodily jolts)

There was no pain involved earlier, but now there is a torrent under my skin. It feels as if my insides were rearranging their atomic structure, a feeling so strange it's nigh impossible to describe. I slowly notice how I'm starting to lose the control of my body and mind, before that happens I take a final look at the sky. Some colossal shadow seems to be coming my way, it looks like a ghost gliding through the immense space, but my senses are gradually blurring out and it's soon hopeless to try to make any sense out of it.

I'm shattering into billions of pieces and I can only mildly feel this process happening. Every piece holds a part of me, every piece holds a part of my senses, yet alone they have almost nothing, this feels more unreal than the dream I had - the one with the eye. I can only feel how these tiniest of pieces slowly accelerate towards the star filled space.

Only a blue pillar extending into space leads my way.

[Movie Review] Seul Contre Tous (1998)

French gem of a movie with high artistic value and a realistic approach on how insanity builds up.

Seul Contre Tous (I Stand Alone in english) is a brilliant movie about the downward spiral of one man's life. The movie quickly explains his past in the beginning slideshow scene, then moving on to the present time. He comes off as a very frustrated person, tired of life, stuck in a loop with his past mistakes - so he decides to start "from a scratch" - a new beginning. He finds that his first attempt at a new life doesn't seem to take off and only breeds more frustration, he needs to escape his current misery. Most of the movie is a well-detailed monologue from the man's head; his hate towards rich people, his philosophical takes on life and his lingering madness. The movie is a very heavy piece of work, it's violent and hateful in a realistic sense, never trying to act pretty. It reaches high levels of emotion, that you won't forget (especially in the climax). A portrayal of desperation, where even during the most difficult of moments, a shred of hope is present. The movie isn't cluttered with special effects but the ones it has are classy and give an impact upon the screen. All in all I highly recommend this movie if you aren't easily offended.

I'll give this movie a masterful 9+/10

Long Distance Travel

I think it's tedious to do long distance travels. Be it plane, bus, car or any other vehicle, it's boring to travel miles and miles. Sleeping is not easy and it will hurt your neck without a special pillow, the DVD-players rarely work, the screens are often too small and you have very little space for yourself. It's however a necessary evil, you can't get anywhere without a ride and places you need to go to are rarely as near as your neighborhood mall.

I just travelled 175 miles by bus to visit my sister and that same number to get back home, not to mention during my military service I had to travel like 235 miles into one direction by bus. At least I had good fun at my sister's place, we played "Guitar Hero: World Tour" on career mode, I manned the drumkit. It didn't register most of the hi-hat or cymbal hits but we had a good laugh.

Now to get some sleep.

Moonlight Sonata

I will start practicing Moonlight Sonata on piano when I stop being lazy. Lots of memorization and dynamics in that piece but should be doable.

Words of ambitious beginner.

School Shootings

In modern world, school shootings have became a new trend for the suicidal close-minded inviduals. They want to taste power before they take their own life and frankly I find that kind of mindset pathetic, if you feel that you can't live in this world, hurting (even killing) others that like it here is an act of cowardice.

World's safety net is becoming more and more transparent, I'm thankful that not everyone knows the cruel side of it in great detail, but it's there and I won't close my eyes from it.

Violence isn't justice.

What Is Intelligence?

IQ (intelligence quotient) is one way to measure one's brain, so out of interest I have taken a few IQ-tests recently, some actually being structured nicely for being online ones. I will shortly comment each one of them and provide the links.

http://www.iqtest.dk/main.swf - 133 IQ (fairly nice test inspired by Raven's Advanced Progressive Matrices)

http://www.highiqsociety.org/iq_tests/ - 121 IQ on eCMA and 118 IQ on TA3 (fairly bad tests; they have more of a "trivia" approach to it and you have to be a native english speaker or a very skilled english speaker to be able to get fair ratings out of these, they have bits that are found in good IQ tests but seem to delwe into nitpick information and knowledge in the other bits)

http://www.cerebrals.org/tests/tri/TRI52.html - 780 score which translates to IQ range of 135-138 (very nice test in my opinion; introduces logical rules and gets progressively harder, also very tiring)

This is not a post to brag with, it's just a post where I want to say this: IQ isn't everything. Having high IQ counts but intelligence can be so much more. IQ doesn't measure social skills, artistical skills and so forth. However we face the question - what is intelligence?

Different people have different perception of intelligence, my perception is that intelligence comes from being understanding, patient, modest, fair and so on. I don't expect others to think how I think, so I try to understand them. Some may think good manners are a sign of intelligence, while some don't find them necessary. It's a personal find, that can be everchanging.

Even stupidity can hold the fruit of intelligence.

Surreal Surroundings pt.6

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

I tread this alien jungle, like a clueless tribesman prevented from meeting any signs of life. I know that plants and trees are living things, but I bitterly accept that this place is barren, no matter what kind of things I might face or witness - it is devoid of life.

I must be living out someone's dream, or rather, a nightmare. A stranger in a strange world, so alone that cries for help could never be heard. I dread my fate, I can hear the doom and gloom in the back of my head, the whining noises that are trying to shatter the last shreds of my confidence.

(scouting left and right)

All I can see is the thickness of this paranormal forest, the deformed black trees look down on me and their laughter echoes in the air.

(pushing through some exotic shrubbery)

The purple spiky roots twisting around like tentacles, the red cylinder shaped poles sticking out of the ground and the yellow gargantuan leaves hanging above my head, they all add to my confusion. I'm surprised they didn't give me wings to fly with, considering how little sense this plane of existence makes. All I want is an exit - a grand return to normality.

(deeper and deeper)

I come to a clearing, a well deserved pause from that trek in the woods. There is some kind of a monument standing in the middle of this cleared area. I slowly look up and notice that the vegetation doesn't block the view above me - I'm staring into space. The vast void with its shining stars. I imagine how empty, yet full that space is. I try to imagine the complexity of its entirety, but it's far too much for me to even begin to comprehend. Only feeble sound would come out if I screamed while floating in that dark ocean, so feeble it would be nearly impossible to hear for a human being.

I'm devastated by this sight, I really am. It really feels like I'm out of touch from humanity, probably stranded on some unknown planet. How can it be? I pinch myself hoping to end this dream, to no avail.

I shed a lonely tear while the Universe is watching me.

Lone Wolf

It's in my personality, I like being on my own, I don't like being in a "pack" for a long time. The less people surrounding me the better, also quality over quantity.

I'm not sure if I have always been this way but it has dawned on me. I don't want to think of it as a disorder of any kind either (even if it was one), it's just one side of me. I'm a complex bundle of things to be honest, maybe over the course of this blog you'll get to know me, a little.

Even if none else in this world understood me, I wouldn't shatter.

[Poem] - The Summoning

Command the dark crystal at will,
Hades shall thee the chaos bring,
Deadly energies, a prismatic chill,
Crimson air unto extinction's king.

Gory are the walls and the ground,
This realm is a hollow, inside out,
Spectral thunders here will pound,
Abysmal echo spreads His shout.

"Only black and red, I mix into it,
the scream of Hell now unbound,
Arms open wide, upon life I spit,
Unleashing the Cerberus hound.

Wreak havoc and tear their soul,
Watchdog's rise scars the weak,
My wicked dream, a grim whole,
Apocalyptic prophecy so bleak.

Upon the lands you shall prowl,
Make proud my damnation skull,
Drown all hope within your howl,
In my cloak I wait, life to be null."

The grand conjuration is finished,
Violent minion now heeds its call,
The Earth soon to be diminished,
Into uncreation its entirety will fall.

[Movie Review] Cloverfield (2008)

A movie with great effects, sheer catastrophy panic and shakycam.

In the heart of Manhattan, a surprise party is held, in honor of a guy named Rob, because he just recently got promoted to a vice president and is going to travel to Japan shortly. Things take a big twist and a mysterious force starts to shake the whole city. It's now a struggle to escape, a struggle to live. While the movie offers a plethora of stunning effects, it lacks some substance and realism though. The main characters have a bit soft lines considering what they wittness - in a life or death situation I would drop a few f-bombs myself. Some of their actions are unconvincing or foolhardy but it's not too bad. There's no significant background for the incident that hits Manhattan, which might be sort of realistic for a shakycam movie even if it's lacking in storytelling. All in all pretty enjoyable movie the first time through.

I'll give this movie an O.K. rating of 7-/10.

Sudden Spark

I have played video games nearly all my life, I really love the music from many Sega and Nintendo titles specifically. I find video game music interesting for the fact that it has some of the greatest music ever made (in my opinion) as well as some of the worst music ever made (again in my opinion). It's such a broad genre, that every possible genre of music is represented inside the video game music bubble, yet it still has something distinctive about it.

While reveling in nostalgia the thought hit me, once again, that I should write my own music. I still have ways to go with music theory but I'm improving and will hopefully start making real songs in the coming years. I really like the works of Koji Kondo, Nobuo Uematsu and Motoi Sakuraba for example.

Some great video game songs I could find on YouTube:

Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Attack


Shining Force 2 - Into the Darkness


Final Fantasy 9 - Hunter's Chance


Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening - Tal Tal Heights


Megaman 9 - Flash in the Dark


Star Ocean: The Second Story - We Form In Crystals

The Glass Prison

Sometimes I drown the world outside my room, even too often. I live in my own prison, looking at the world through the glass walls. I know I'm strong but I have to accept that I'm also very weak or just too different from others. I think I'm someone, I'm a person just like you, but my ideals and thoughts can be very different from yours.

Part of lyrics from "Dream Theater - The Glass Prison":

"Help me - I can't break out this prison all alone
Save me - I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own
Heal me - I can't restore my sanity alone

Enter the door
Desperate
Fighting no more
Help me restore
To my sanity
At this temple of hope"

Should I break the glass?

Surreal Surroundings pt.5

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

What is this feeling? I'm locked in some kind of a cage, descenting at high speed inside this white ether that surrounds me. The shadows twist and break as they meet the metal bars. I feel like a pet bird cast down from heavens.

(plunging in to the maw of madness)

I'm observed, an enormous hazel eye is looking at me from outside the cage, like an emperor on the highest mountain focusing a glare on my being. It's bloodying the clouds with its cry. I try to divert my gaze from it but it feels impossible to do so. It's spreading the crimson splendor all around it, while I feel colorless inside my cage. I close my eyes in attempt to hide from this vision, but it forces its way through to me. In my darkest moments my mind is a prison - it won't let go.

(the eye explodes)

Vivid colors flicker around me, I'm not sure if I have my eyes open or not. My own image is being sucked into a vortex, then thrown into the space again. My movements feel heavy yet light and my body is numb. Several floods of thoughts fill my brain, as if my soul was trying to burst out of this worn carapace. Like the only star embracing the night sky had died out and made this impact on the world.

Am I dreaming or am I awake? Am I alive or have I died long time ago? Observer of the surreal skies. Manifestatation of the nonexistence. Alpha and Omega.

(thought of omnipotence now fading)

I come back to my senses, seems like I'm lying next to the azure ladder rising from the duct. The black fumes must have made me hallucinate all of that. How I made it up here is a mystery though. Divine service of some sort? Whatever it was I'm thankful. I notice there is quite unique vegetation in this place I have reached. All kinds of colors, most of them seem to have weird bulges on them, they remind me of eyes.

Those cursed eyes.

Luck Versus Probability

There are two forms of luck, good luck and bad luck. I'm highly pessimistic myself, so any good luck coming my way is basically a pleasant surprise. I'm always trying to prepare for bad luck, acknowledging worst case scenarios is important for me even if they aren't likely to happen. All luck is - is probability.

Probability is just the sum of logical rules and possibilities. When calculating a probability you must take everything into consideration - a coin can land sideways as well. There are often good explanations why luck happens the way it does, it's a big maze of actions forming more actions.

Simple good luck scenario: someone might buy something for a normal price, find out that he/she doesn't like it after a while, put it on sale with cheap price and you happen to find the offer somewhere. The good luck here being; he/she is selling something you want, for a cheaper price than normal, and you manage to find the offer.

Simple bad luck scenario: someone is ill and has an infectious disease, you interact a lot with the person and you too get contaminated. You could have prevented the chance of getting ill if you had known to avoid the ill person, but the bad luck played a big role here; you didn't know there was someone that is ill and the ill person was stupid for going out while being ill in the first place.

The odds build up on both ends, you just have to be aware of your surroundings and you can affect your luck's course.

Maybe luck is just a myth.

Atheist

I don't need to explain what the word means. I'm an atheist or more likely an apatheist. I couldn't care less if this magical force "God" exists or not. Some may call the Universe the God, but the God isn't a synonym for anything, it would just be their depiction of the issue. Monotheistic religions are all the same too, bowing down to one God, which leads us to a problem - why do some monotheistic religions stand out so much? Supposedly the God in all monotheistic religions should be the same, so why does christianity (for example) stand out so much? It's all just a big scam that people want to buy, they might feel safe and good about their faith but in the end they are believing in something comparable to Santa Claus or Easter Bunny.

Some support religions for the morale code they bring, morale code that exists without these religions. Killing isn't considered bad because religion said so, same goes for all other "sins" - good and bad exist without fairy tales.

Not all religious people are unpleasant though, mostly just the fundamentalists. It's still wrong that many people don't have any choice and are brought up with religion in mind - forced baptisms. How many people would join a religion if it wasn't done for them? Whole lot less. If they never wanted to be in one in the first place they have to resign from it in their adulthood.

I still belong to church, I even went ahead and took a confirmation, I have a godson too, but through all that time I was a sheeple, unable to think for myself. I will resign from church this year, it's a high time for that. I don't believe in afterlife and I would hate the idea of heaven being real. It's a shame really if you use your only life worshipping "the God" that doesn't exist and only brings imaginary shelter. Why would you blindly believe in afterlife? What if it isn't there whe you die? That's why an atheist lives his only life to the fullest, steering away from religion.

I chose my path, it's time to take some steps on it.

Common Cold

It happens sometimes, it sucks a lot and I have it now.

[Poem] - What Do I See?

Dive inside my head.
Mental images dread.

Man with a beard and two dragon heads.
Soiled sun inside the ocean bend.
Pigs with gasmasks and colorful beads.
Rainbow enigmas that see no end.

Walls dwelling in smoke and a camera eye.
Bottles with wings flying afar.
Black and white landscape where babies die.
Exquisite mind bears a scar.

Darkest of trees just outside the door.
Liquid red from the ceiling pours.
Venomous moths circling in the moor.
Severed foot hops on the floors.

Ghouls that laugh at death and weep at life.
Abandoned mansions and incise.
Shady man carrying a crooked butter knife.
Everyone wears a skin disguise.

One for the blisters in your hand.
Two for the sisters found under sand.
Three for the twisters forming pentagram.
Infinity for what I see.

Surreal Surroundings pt.4

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

I have come a long way, squeezing each of the ladder rungs tightly on my way up. The climb is getting progressively worse, some kind of breeze is swaying the azure ladder aggressively, at times all I can do is hang on and look at the surrounding void. Will I make it to the top? The breeze calms down once again, I have to continue this never-ending climb.

(upward struggle)

I have reached a point where I can see the dome's ceiling, the black flow curves along the walls to meet the center. I hold on to the ladder tightly and look directly above me, it seems like a huge duct with sharp teeth surrounding its entrance. Like a mouth of larva or some kind of monster sucking the stream in.

(climbing even closer)

I'm very close to the entrance now, my head can almost dive past the teeth. The black ooze's pungent acidy aroma quickly fills my nasal passages, despite that I try to glance up the duct. The liquid drips upwards from the pointy teeth. Millions of small black droplets almost suppress the blue glow of the walls on their way up. I didn't hope to go through such a passage but it's inevitable now. I descent a few steps to be able to breathe normally for a moment. Uncertain of the duct's length I inhale deeply and start the ascension.

(black sludge and a weary being)

The droplets can still form putrid clouds, no matter how high I climb the acid burns my retinae. Grinding my teeth I push higher and higher. My face is that of determination, of wrath and of hope - one twisted facial expression. I grab rung after rung, willing to go through the madness. I think to myself, that this is the survival of the fittest. There must be light at the end of the tunnel, there must be light for my soul.

(frenzied last mile)

The curtain of droplets starts evaporizing out of blue. My innards feel filthy, I spit out the slime and horror - self-cleansing act. I look up once more; I can only see the whitest of white glow, it invites me in. It purifies my body; no hunger, no thirst, no pain - feeling of enlightment. It pulls me into the sea of white, there is no ladder, there is nothing else than me and this feeling.

The all-encompassing purity makes me fall asleep.

[Gig Review] Opeth 14.2.2009

Rare treat we had in Finland, Opeth, a swedish band combining the brutality of death metal and the beauty of acoustic into an exotic mixture, let's just call it progressive death metal. Their songs combine both the chill relaxed atmosphere and the in-your-face brutal power, often breaking ten minutes in length. Be it clean vocals or growling, Mikael Åkerfeldt seems to have the best of both worlds. The band has fully acoustic pieces in their repertoire as well.

I'm here to talk about their Club Teatria gig in Oulu on the 14th of February 2009. I'm proud to say that they sounded better live than on studio records, very few bands are that good, no joke. They offered a good set of songs from various albums, the highlights for me being "Deliverance", "Godhead's Lament" and "The Lotus Eater". The light show was on sync with the music and reflected each song's mood with fitting colors during every phase of the song. The sound quality was astoundingly clear, almost all of the important melodies were crystal clear and easy to listen to. Mikael gave nice speeches, he is really modest and can add some good humor into the mix. Lots of respect to Mikael for bringing this fantastic band to where it is today.

The gig was definitely superb all-around and I was even able to catch some of the action on my mobile phone. Enjoy (adding these only because they are captured by me):






























































Hooks up! (insider stuff)

Cassandra Complex

As I was watching the movie "Twelve Monkeys" I came across the term "Cassandra Complex".

Quote from "Cassandra (metaphor)" wikipedia article:

"The Cassandra metaphor (variously labelled the Cassandra 'syndrome', 'complex', 'phenomenon', 'predicament', 'dilemma', or 'curse'), is a term applied in situations in which valid warnings or concerns are dismissed or disbelieved.

The term originates in Greek mythology. Cassandra was a daughter of Priam, the King of Troy. Struck by her beauty, Apollo provided her with the gift of prophecy, but when Cassandra refused Apollo's romantic advances, he placed a curse ensuring that none would believe her warnings. Cassandra was left with the knowledge of future events, but could neither alter these events nor convince others of the validity of her predictions.

The metaphor has been applied in a variety of contexts such as psychology, environmentalism, politics, science, cinema, the corporate world, and in philosophy, and has been in circulation since at least 1949 when French philosopher Gaston Bachelard coined the term 'Cassandra Complex' to refer to a belief that things could be known in advance."

Imagine if seeing the future was possible but preventing those visions from happening would be impossible. Would such a person even want to live? You would know what everyone will say before they say it, you would know when the apocalypse happens and what caused it, you would know how everything goes down before it actually does - you would be a God.

In my opinion it's impossible for such prophetic vision to exist. Everyone changes their mind on things frequently, no power could ever calculate all the final outcomes beforehand. If you know some person really well, you may predict what he or she will do next, but that doesn't mean you have a supernatural gift. If the gift of prophecy would exist in its entirety in the first place, no one could possibly handle all that knowledge in a human brain.

What if this all happened before? What if the future is the present and we all are but a replay of the past? That would be interesting but sounds plain impossible. Even if someone lives in the future and travels back in time, for the sake of argument, he would only know about the things that he has wittnessed happening in the past or has read about in the future.

Remember the past, feel the present and dream of the future.

[Short Story] Dread

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

In the heart of this metropolis you will find only despair; the varying minority groups of society are pushed around by the ironclad justice. No need to be a thief or a killer to be served this world's justice. The homeless, the black, the yellow, the... you get the point, get judged, however here the law is rotten beyond rational, the minorities aren't worth a dime for the people wearing suits, in fact here they are worth less than nothing, they repulse the people in their high towers. If you live here and belong to a minority you will be thankful for every second that you live, though, if it's life worth living is another story.

I gave the tabloid an unsettling glimpse, a man had murdered his son, his daughter, his wife and lastly himself. In reality I shouldn't feel pity for such, after all the man was one of the high class, not like me, he wouldn't have clue what kind of hell it is here on the streets but I guess he is in worse hell now. I shook my head in discomfort but the irony made my face twist into a grin. I continued to search for any leftover food that wasn't repulsive and filled with disease. The hunger to get a bite off of anything was enormous, distorting gutwrench in its wake. I walked along a random alley shifting through every garbage bin with no luck, I was just too hungry to bear the feeling anymore, I took couple more steps, the flies buzzing around my ears sounded like they were bombardiers from World War II, the surroundings started to change into a blurry smudge, then a black empty hug - I had fainted.

When I regained my consciousness I had no clue how much time had passed, only thing I was sure about was that it was getting dark, almost unbearably so. I tried to pull myself together but my intestines felt like they were making knots out of themselves. It felt like every bit of energy was leaving my body, cold sweat across my face. The atmosphere was frigid, every breath made a hazy cloud emerge. The fall was slowly moving towards the winter, not that there's much environmental indication in a place like this before the snow starts to fall.

Agonizing on the hard concrete floor, I was barely clinging to life, I just knew if all went black again I wouldn't return. I was waiting for a miracle - I was waiting for anything positive to happen. I screamed for help with what little power I had. What I was feeling was the ultimate despair, all because I'm homeless; no money, nothing to eat, barely having "things" to put on and call clothes. The rich can eat all they want every day, even throwing half of the food into the trash, all I knew was I hadn't eaten for a few days, I hadn't drunk much either lately since all the water I could find was from random puddles piled against the cement sides of the roads. In any case I had nothing of value, I couldn't find anything of value and my basic needs to go on hadn't been met for enough long time, the strain grasped me unbearably now, leaving me squirming on the grey surface - losing my consciousness yet again.

My body was discovered the next morning by the officials and was put into a black plastic bag with no emotion. Why would they care about a lowly bug like me or the others like me? I was just another corpse with no meaning for them. I had always wished there was a better place in afterlife, but there was nothing. After all that had been a struggle to live, hoping to stand up - I was granted the dreaded unmeaningful death instead.

[Website] Kongregate

This time I'm going to introduce you to a certain website.

http://www.kongregate.com/

-Flash games across the board.
-Very fun badge system that pulls you in.
-User levels - who is the most persistent and skilled?
-The site's unique "card battle game" Kongregate.
-Chatrooms where you can talk about anything.
-Easy to rate and comment flash games.

Just few of the pros of the site, if you are into flash games this site might be your best bet on where to play them. I felt like the site deserves some promoting, so head there if you are ever bored.

In the time of boredom, you can do some scoredom.

Night Bird

Once again I managed to stay awake through the whole night, it happens, even too often for me. During the night I feel more bored than usual too, so why won't I just sleep? My dayrhythm just happens to be so - random. A slob of a man sitting still and wondering things, that's me alright.

I feel like I'm fueled by a never-ending vortex of thoughts. Ignorance is bliss - I wish I was ignorant (actually I'm), but just knowing myself and my surroundings is way too much knowledge for my small head. It spins and spins and spins around.

Getting a healthy nap is like a well needed brain reset for me, sometimes I end up sleeping way too long though - lack of balance. The longer you stay up, the slower time moves - mental battle to stay awake in attempt to normalize your rhythm.

I wish I could live during the day too.

Surreal Surroundings pt.3

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

I feel like I'm in a completely another world from the last. It looks like a dome, well-lit and so large I can't see the other end of it, just the slowly curving walls on my sides. Something black flows upwards the seemingly blue walls, it forms smoke-like clouds in the air. Their smell is pungent and my eyes get irritated from standing in them. I don't feel so well. All of that black matter seems to stream towards the center of the ceiling, which I can't see either. I feel like I'm imprisoned in a dream, but it feels too real - all too real.

I take a deep breath and as a result I throw up. My body is not accustomed to inhaling tar, at least that's what the smoke entering your body feels like. I cover my face with my right arm and breathe with caution, since the fumes seem to be hazardous. They only seem to be lingering near the black liquid on the walls, so I sprint forward and hold my breath. I want to get through this sickening haze, maybe the center of this place holds some answers. I'm driven by something - a will to survive.

(one minute sprint)

My heart is racing but I think I'm past the smoke now. I allow myself to breathe again, the air feels clean - a sign of comfort. I ran so far that I can't distinguish the walls anymore. I'm certain I'm heading towards the center, in any case I have to trust my instincts on that, for this place makes very little sense to begin with.

(wandering in the blue)

I stop as I see a ladder, it looks like it's hanging down from nothingness. I'm convinced that this is the center, it has to be the center. The azure blue ladder rungs are carved in the shape of arms, they hang on to the sides, which in return are carved to resemble snakes. The arms alternate their direction on each step, this metal ladder is a mystery in its own right. I guess I have to climb up the ladder squirming down from the nothingness. It seems like the right way, but I'm tired. As dangerous as it might be I decide to sleep on the ground near the ladder, I need all the energy I can get to be able to climb up there. I'm starving and I'm thirsty but I have to get through this trial. Where does it end? Will I ever reach home? Am I dreaming? I fall asleep with these questions swirling in my mind.

(some hours pass by)

I rise up and rub my eyes. The sleep has regenerated most of my strength, I guess I'm set then. A glimpse towards the ladder and a nod of my head. I wish I will find something to eat up there.

Despite some of my bodily needs I start the climb.

Hydra Cure

I came across an article about a peculiar animal making its way into medicine. We are talking about Hydra, not the mythology creature, but a tiny fresh-water predator. This only few millimeters long being is truly interesting and it's no wonder it has been put under the scientific scope.

Hydras have spectacular regenerative powers, you can cut a Hydra into pieces and those pieces will continue living. They can reproduce asexually or through sexual reproduction. They also age slowly, if at all, they are claimed to be immortal in the light of some evidence.

On the subject of medicine I'm quoting the article found in Journal of Biological Chemistry:

"A new antimicrobial compound has been isolated from the freshwater animal Hydra. The compound, called hydramacin-1, shares virtually no similarity with any other known antibacterial proteins except for two other antimicrobials found in leech, and has been shown in laboratory studies to be highly potent."

"In a series of laboratory experiments, this protein could kill a wide range of both Gram-positive and Gram-negative bacteria."

"Hydramacin works by sticking to the bacterial surface, promoting the clumping of nearby bacteria, then disrupting the bacterial membrane."

"it most closely resembled a superfamily of proteins found in scorpion venom."

Truly amazing information, it just shows how little we have figured out of our world and the possibilities residing in it.

Even tiny things can hold a great meaning.

Mood Swings

There are times when you act like an ass towards someone for no apparent reason or for a silly reason. We can act in so many different ways for no reason (must be another complexity feature of the human race). Being a jerk against your own will is not fun but it happens.

From happy to sad, from loving to loathing, mood swings. Some days feel like they are dedicated for a certain mood. You get up and you instantly feel like something. Thousands of moods zigzagging back and forth, plain one mood, or anything in the between - that's how it goes.

You often have a reason to act the way you do, but you could also keep everything to yourself. This motive, whatever it is, can be disregarded by your conscious awareness but your subconscious might think different. Sometimes you really want to gun out your mind against someone, but decide not to, yet after a while you do it anyway. Are we hiding from the things we want to feel? Are we in control of the things we do feel? Questions - they just like to crawl to the surface.

Mood swings can happen due to many things, like hormonal changes and mood disorders, but in my opinion they are also things that just happen, call it a "natural tendency" if you will. A bad day at work makes you feel like shit, nothing surprising about that, if only it was always so straightforward.

Sometimes I feel like a passenger instead of the driver.

Technological Failures

In the morning your electric device is in top shape, you expect it to stay that way - that's not always the case. In the evening you fire up your electric device, it doesn't start - after fiddling around with it you bitterly accept it's broken.

Electronic engineering is not a trade we all specialize in, so finding the root of a problem on your own can be tedious. Two options; get the broken device fixed somehow or buy a new one. In some cases, however, taking your broken device to maintenance might end up costing more than actually buying a new piece instead.

Plain aging can destroy a component or a connection in an electronic circuit. Before completely breaking down, the device can get less responsive at the very least. No matter how well-preserved your equipment is, time takes its toll. It's either that or bad luck.

You can accidentally break something but it rarely happens to me, things just stop working and they must get replaced or revived.

The modern civilization relies way too much on electricity altogether, most of our everyday life gadgets run on electricity - get a power outage and you're stranded with no luxury in sight. The world would tremble if electricity just ceased to exist. No more TV, internet or mobile phones - amongst endless amount of other things.

Such is the cycle of power-induced junk.

[Poem] Marked

A walk in the park - I bear a mark.
What happened to the park? - grey mist and dark.
Curse this mark - branded by soil.
Pain becomes too stark - makes my blood boil.
I vomit black oil - is there no God?
My body is in turmoil - world around turned odd.
Aliens and a pod - the air is cold.
From the earth rose a rod - nothing good it told.
Colony in gold - infiltrates my brain.
View most grim and old - was not made in vain.
What is the gain? - otherworld train.
I'm now a child in chain - servant to mother brain.

Faces, Reflections And Masks

All of us have two faces; what we feel in the inside and what we show to the outside. The outside can be a mere reflection - a disguise. We act different depending on who we are dealing with and it's often a mask, not an indication of how we truly feel. With some people you can throw away that mask and show the face inside - the freedom of being yourself.

In most people you can see your own reflection, that doesn't mean they are exactly like you, but parts of them are similar, parts that make you feel a connection. We all belong to the same race after all, a complex one at that, and it's gratifying to know that.

Some people can also see through masks and some people are possessed by them. We use masks because we aren't simple, we can't live by following mere instincts, we take too many things into consideration before acting - so we are fake, fake because we don't want to get in trouble.

That leads us to a question: "Do we ever truly know a person?" I have come to a conclusion that we are naturally sick as a race, we like to fantasize, without morals we would be ruthless, but how many of us accept that. It's ironic when the "sick" people get mouthed at: "you're not human", maybe they are nothing but "human", the vile creature lurking beneath the skin. Have you ever told anyone about the natural darkness in you? Would you have the courage? Would they mark you as a madman? Are you just reflecting what they want to see or can you show them your true face? All these questions - sometimes it's better to settle in being a mirror, but sometimes you want to take chances.

Luckily we are also understanding of our many faces.

Surreal Surroundings pt.2

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction)

I open my eyes just to realize it's still as dark as before. I'm naked and kneeling. My kneecaps, hands and toes take no comfort from what feels like cold concrete floor. Just kneeling there - confused, lost and most of all too afraid to produce any sound.

Slowly coming back to my senses I see a hint of red forming a clean line, just few feet in front of me. I stare at it and I ponder what might be the origin of such. Suddenly the place starts to shake violently. I'm surrounded by thundering sounds, as if a gargantuan mechanical device was put in motion. Stone screeches against stone, it hurts my ears, I wish it would stop. The red line expands with every passing second. I'm not sure if the floor I'm on is descenting or if some obstructing wall in front of me is ascending - tremors and confusion. Feels like I'm a trapped in an earthquake.

(moments of despair)

The quakes stop and I shiver. I behold a great door made out of stone. The stones seem to be the source for all of the red glow. The door has strong pillar-like frames surrounding it, that are made like exquisite sculptures in detail. Even the door is filled with ancient carvings, that somehow pull you in, like they were telling a tale from the past. Some kind of miniature statue is overlooking the door - it looks like an angel, angel of death.

I must have spent a small eternity looking at that door, at all that red glow. Where will it lead? Do I want to find out? I guess I have no other choice. At one point, in the process of getting back up on my feet, I find myself in a genuflecting pose - like a prayer sent to hell - I'm standing vigilant now.

The door is heavy like all the weight of the world was backing it up from the other side. It has to be my imagination. I give it another push - it doesn't even budge. I sit on the cold floor and hold my head.

(moments of hopelessness)

The earthquake is back, grim orchestral of stone gnawing against stone. The door is slowly moving, slowly sliding open. Is this real?

I swallow my fear and walk through.

[Album Review] Cynic - Traced In Air (2008)

Current members:
Paul Masvidal - guitar/vocals (1987-1994, 2006-present) (ex-Death, Gordian Knot, ex-Portal, Master, Æon Spoke)
Sean Reinert - drums (1987-1994, 2006-present) (Aghora, ex-Death, Gordian Knot, ex-Portal, Æon Spoke)
Sean Malone - bass, Chapman Stick (1993-1994, 2008-present) (ex-Aghora, Gordian Knot, Office of Strategic Influence)
Tymon Kruidenier - guitar, death growls (2008-present) (Exivious)

Track Listing:
01 - Nunc Fluens 2:55
02 - The Space For This 5:46
03 - Evolutionary Sleeper 3:34
04 - Integral Birth 3:52
05 - The Unknown Guest 4:12
06 - Adam's Murmur 3:28
07 - King Of Those Who Know 6:08
08 - Nunc Stans 4:12

Favourite songs : "The Space For This", "The Unknown Guest" and "King Of Those Who Know".

Now, this is my favorite album of the year 2008, a highly anticipated work of art from the highly talented group known as Cynic. It is a diverse album that bears many meanings and I find that Cynic has a very unique sound. The definite word I would describe the sound as is; celestial. They mainly use clean vocals and robotic vocals with vocoder shifting in their music but also death metal like growls from the back-up vocalist to spice up some words or parts of the lyrics. They play kind of fusion jazz / proggressive metal mix on this album and it's a very interesting combination that won't leave you cold.

The songwriting is excellent and the short length of the album doesn't take anything out of the experience for me. I always get chills running down my spine from listening to this album and I've listened to it dozens of times and it feels like it will never get old.

The album seems to have a very deep meaning that slowly unfolds over the time. There are many strong themes like; religions, purity and love. The message as I find it is culminated in the outro song of the album, Nunc Stans, I think it means eternity. The message is basically that we are all unique and capable of loving one another, yet something greater, be it "God", "Universe" or anything - gave us our being. It is basically a take on the question: "What is the meaning of life?" and a strong one at that.

It incorporates various religious or otherworldly themes in the lyrics, like; sanskrit mantras, sanskrit alphabet, doves, unholy apple tree, the list goes on. Even the song names have deep meanings and "Adam's Murmur" is one thing that can be put on the previous list. The songs are not just takes on christianity but anything "alien", be it different religions, cultures or other things compared to our own, a take on anything unknown. It's definitely a trip full of marvels and questions, a mysterious journey through unknown seas.

I'll give this album an outstanding rating of 10/10